The Green Bug

Lucas Evans felt the cool touch of the glass on his back as he leaned unsteadily against the car. He could feel it through his shirt, which by this point was wet with sweat from the sweltering August heat. He could feel it grip the back of his arm below his sleeves, which was a good thing for it was the about only thing keeping him standing upright. He could feel the cool metal of the roof on his leaned-back head as it lolled aimlessly back and forth.

His head came up for a second and he hiccuped. In the brief moment he could see anything other than the sky, he saw Scott, his roommate, standing in the empty parking space in front of him and slightly to his left, and a clump of people standing of the front porch of the apartment, vaguely watching his antics in the parking lot. His head came back down with a thump that the people watching found rather satisfying.

"I nee a schigaterette. Shott! Gib me a fuching schigarette!" he barely managed to get out before hiccuping again.

"Dude, you are totally fucked. Here." said Scott. "You gonna fucking yak?"

Lucas rolled his head to face Scott and gave him a scowl. "Puche? I don't fuching puche off'v tehkillyah." He looked back at the sky and tried to make the world stop spinning. Anything to make the world just sit still for ten seconds. He poked himself in the eye with the but of the cigarette. Ouch.

"Just don't do it on me. Aim at that car or some shit."

"Wha carr?" This time the cigarette went up his left nostril. He determined that cigarettes smell like shit.

"That green bug behind me. I don't like the bitch who owns it anyway. I'll give you a dollar if you puke on it."

"I'm nah gonna yach." He finally managed to get the cigarette into his mouth by giving himself a strep culture with it.

"I can't believe you finished the entire fucking fifth. That was expensive fucking Tequila!"

"Ligf *hiccup*, ligh *hiccup*, G'me!" Lucas snatched the lighter Scott had been patiently holding out of his hand. "And tree shosh of *hiccup* Fodka." He attempted to hold up three fingers with his left hand and light the cigarette with his right, but he but only succeeded at lighting his cigarette with his left hand and holding up four fingers with his right. "Wherd d'liteher go? Tere!"

Scott stopped him as he tried to lean down and pick it up. "Woah, dude. I got it." He held the lighter up and lit it.

"I cahn lighf my own schiggarette." insisted Lucas and grabbed the lighter, which he found impressive because it seemed to be moving at great speed. "Ow! Mufer fucher! Hot! Wherd idgo now?"

Scott picked it up again. "I'll light it! Just stay fucking still."

"I ham!"

"Well, stay still-er, drunkass!"

Lucas leaned forward to light his cigarette and missed, instead singeing his beard. He did manage to get the middle of the cigarette lit on the way back. Lucas didn't care enough to notice and took a long drag off the cigarette. The world spun faster.

"Are you sure you're not going to yak?" asked Scott.

Lucas lolled his head over to look at Scott and the spinning increased. He clumsily nodded his head. "Yeah." The world started spinning in two directions at once. Faster.

Scott saw the look on Lucas's face change from incredulous to the all to familiar look of someone fighting back nausea.

Lucas stopped nodding his head and started wagging it. Now the world was spinning in all directions at once and turning itself inside out. "... Nah ..."

The last thing Lucas remembered was looking up from the cool asphalt of the parking lot, seeing a Green VW Beetle who's driver's side door was coated in vomit, and thinking that someone owed him a dollar.